Dear Old Navy.com:

Are you insane?

How can you shut your whole fucking site down for a remodel? I was ready to drop a hundred bucks on some new pants, but I can't. Oldnavy.com is closed because you're "updating the site."

Have you ever used the Internet before? Here's a tip: you can update your site offline, while keeping your old one online! That way you can actually sell your clothes during the weeks it's taking you to upgrade! I hope some dipshit Web designer didn't tell you otherwise...

I just want you to know that I'm very very angry at you right now, and I'm going to need a little time to "get my head together" before I come back. Sure, those piles of cheap clothes I bought from you were great. We had some good times. But I don't know if I'll be able to forgive you for the disappointment I felt this morning when you weren't there for me. I'm so tired of only having two pairs of pants in my closet that fit me, and I was counting on you to make it all better. But you're closed. How can I ever trust you again?

Don't call or email me. If I decide to forgive you, you'll see my order, probably during a PMS-induced shopping spree. So, see you in about 28 days.

Sincerely,
Jennifer